This is a draft that Ruth had not published, she intended to but did not get to do so.

On four-twenty 2017, I was taking a walk in a park with a friend. We were whining mightily about Trump [I blame him for all of this and for everything else, too] when suddenly I started slurring my words very badly. Then I collapsed onto the dirt trail. Millions? billions? of neurons in my brain were dying at that moment.

I awoke in the ER with doctors hovering over me asking me ad nauseum to perform tests like counting and asking if I felt a doc’s pokes all over with a cold pointy metal instrument, I did. I think I transitioned right there from always feeling too hot all the time feeling too cold.

Later, I read in my med recs that the doc pinched my left leg and I reacted but I didn’t react when he pinched my left arm. I am hemiplegic[half the body paralyzed] on my left side. I can “walk” now with a quad cane but it’s going to take a long time before I have a normal gait.I’m going to do it tho, I have to get back on hiking trails, my passion. My left arm and hand remain paralyzed, but I’m still working on them.

I had an ischemic stroke[resulting from a blood clot in the brain starving neurons of oxygen]  I had a blood clot in my middle cerebral artery][ischemic versus hemorrhagic stroke which result from a bleed in the brain, like,e. g. a burst aneurysm ], unleashing a blood flood drowning neurons but  in mycase the doctors couldn’t find the clot on my MRI or CAT scan, so they decided not to give me the miracle drug, tPA, which is a powerful clot buster and rescues all those dying neurons

That was because a small bleed showed up on the MRI where I have a brain anomaly called a cavernous malformation which is basically a cluster of veins. It is susceptible to bleeding. The doctors worried that the drug might cause another much more serious bleed there.

OK, Fair enough. tPA is a powerful blood thinner. I keep wondering tho what I’d be like now if I’d had the drug. The one benefit of the stroke was the gratitude I felt for and joy I felt from all my fantastic friends, feeling the love pour into me. I was in the ICU about two weeks then transferred to the IRU [In-patient Rehabilitation Unit] where I stayed a month and had the best therapists I’ve had on this recovery journey, my PT Physical Therapist[responsible for the leg and foot] had me up and walking right away, Even now I can hardly believe that. I felt my left leg was paralyzed. I couldn’t move it at all or wiggle my toes. I had 3 hrs of therapy a day there 5 days a week.

The first sign that my leg would recover is that after hours of trying, I managed to lift my left foot very slightly off the bed. Such euphoria!

Kevin hacked my room’s TV and put ROKU on it. At first, I thought great, I’ll catch up on House of Cards but I couldn’t understand it so I gave up on that. I think one of the cruelest parts of the stroke was how it affected my mind at first. Everything was unclear and confusing, loud sounds were unbearable. Life was like looking out a filthy windshield and trying to drive. Horrible.

And, of course, I was terrified at the dawning realization that I had completely lost the use of my left hand and arm, and had serious problems affecting the use of my leg, thus seriously affecting almost all the activities that make me me, first and foremost hiking, working on and  making my house and garden beautiful, and having dinner parties. I could no longer do English cryptic crossword puzzles. Which pre-stroke, I was doing on a daily basis. So frustrating. I couldn’t do my multiplication tables or remember my address or phone number. It was horrid and depressing and scary as hell.

My speech wasn’t badly affected, thank you stroke deities in the ether. I can’t imagine what it would be like not to be able to communicate. A lot of stroke victims forget how to talk or everything they say comes out as mush, this is called aphasia. Apparently, friends had massive difficulty understanding me at first and I had an hour a day of speech therapy MtF. I couldn’t even hold my head up off the pillow.

I also had OT 5 times a week, Occupational Therapy, daily living skills, like dressing and showering, cooking and cleaning. I’ve learned how to put on my bra with only one hand! it involves the use of an essential tool, a plastic closure clip for say a bag of potato chips. OTs also focuses on rehabilitation of the arm and hand.

Another problem I had was that I couldn’t swallow food or liquids, at all, I had minor surgery for the installation of a feeding tube. The wretched experience of “eating” this way led me later when I got home to get a Physician’s Order ( A  POLST), an order for paramedics that if I’m unable to eat or breathe, I cannot be intubated for any reason. Not another tube pour moi, if I am dropping the body, let it drop. I do not want to go thru that again. I’m so grateful Kevin understands this and concurs.

My beloved son, Jake, and daughter-in-law, Logan, were living in Antigua, Guatemala, where Kevin and I had been visiting them just 3 days before the stroke. Jake and Logan decided to move back to the Monterey area where Kevin and I are so fortunate to live. Jake grew up in Carmel Valley. He got a very good job in nearby Aptos where he and Logan found their first home to buy.

Welcome to the world of mortgages and the Joys of Home Ownership!!! It’s a lovely little house in a mountainous Redwood area of Aptos. Jake and Logan drove from Antigua to Maine, with their one-eyed rescued kitty, Meowsers.

Then they drove from Sag Harbor, New York with kitty in tow again to Monterey. Ever the great raconteur, Jake keeps us laughing with all his stories, what great material he’s amassed from these international road trips, a lot of customs, animals, bizarre experiences.

Later.

BTW don’t credit me for saying I was stroked. I got that from Ram Dass in the wonderful film “Fierce Grace” in which he describes what it was and is like to have been stroked.

Categories: Environment, Family, Friends, Hiking, Memories
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